"If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him" (Oswald Chambers).
For the first five weeks of this particular journey- I felt like I was utterly amazed at God's grace. I did not know how I (we) were functioning on a level that still contained joy-- when I really thought about what we are facing. I kept telling people- I have never truly felt the peace that passes all understanding in this way. It felt like a drug. People were coming to the Lord on our behalf with hearts full of thanksgiving but also with hearts of petition and He was granting us the peace that passes all understanding. We were facing crisis and - overall- we were staying afloat.
Something happened this last week. I started to sink. I took my eyes off of Him. My hurt felt bitter. His actions or lack thereof seemed unjust. I was mad. Each daily activity was too much. This morning- I was faced with a devotional that started by quoting Genesis 22:2 - "Take now your son...". This is the passage where Abraham is called to take his long awaited for son - to the top of Mt. Moriah (there is no coincidence here- we have been on this journey before- in a different way) and to sacrifice to the Lord. Abraham DID NOT question God. He rose early and he went. He did not confer with others. He did not take time to wrestle with the injustice of it all. He did not choose the sacrifice or say- 'Okay- Lord- I will do this but only if you promise to not actually make me go through with it". Abraham- trusted the Lord and His goodness and promises enough to drink his 'bitter' cup in communion with Him.
This last week- I did not surrender. I questioned. I sought others- who could speak into the unfairness of this all. I wrestled with my own thoughts and laid out the injustice that I should be feeling and I held to that. Rather than rising early- and trusting. I set limits. I have told the Lord- that we will go through this but I have given Him conditions on how I think things (this sacrifice) should unfold. I need to surrender. I actually cannot walk this path- without surrendering.
Please pray for our hearts to be filled with surrender. Please pray that we have the strength to see His goodness throughout this journey (if you have no idea what our journey is- feel free to read my last blog post). We appreciate those who are journeying with us. Thank you.
Chris, Serenity and Mo. You have certainly touched our hearts in respect to all of God's mercies for us. Although you will face a difficult path, you all have chosen to walk with Him who, as well, sacrificed for us. The Compton family will hold your family in our prayers. May God take you by His hand as you journey together and that this bitter cup passes.
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