What's In a Name?

Growing up with an unusual name like Serenity- I have always been very name conscious.  In Kindergarten, I questioned my parents choice for my name as all the other kids made fun of me- at which point I renamed myself Sera - for a time.  By grade four- Serenity was cool again and I loved the uniqueness of it.  However- early in my teen years I really began to wonder if it suited me.  It means peace and calm and tranquility.  I rarely felt these attributes in my life. I often lived in fear and stress and worry.  As I have gotten older- God has often used the meaning of my name as something I desire to aspire to.  When life feels in turmoil- I feel called to live up to my title- and to dwell in peace, calm and tranquility.

I did not realize how much the meaning of a name meant to me- until it came time to pick a name for our daughter, Moriah. As many of you are aware - we struggled with infertility for a number of years before conceiving Moriah. During that time- God led us on a journey of surrender.  The story of Abraham and his son Issac became very dear to me.  How could a one hundred year old man- who had waited for a child for years and years-- willingly ascend Mount Moriah with the intention of sacrificing his son? Why would God ask him to do this? As I explored this story which I had heard many times throughout my life and which had impacted my parents as well- when I was ill as a child-- I could not help but see Abraham's posture of surrender.  Abraham had hopes and dreams and plans - and he loved Issac very much---- but he loved God first and trusted that God is good and that God wanted to give him immeasurably more than he could ever ask for or imagine.  Without hashing out every detail-- God used Abraham to challenge me as we awaited His plans for our family.  Did I trust God enough to walk with open hands?  I had a plan.  We were going to begin trying to conceive after being married five years.  By year 9 (at least) we would have two and then I would start convincing Chris of the benefits of four.  This is not what happened.  At year 9 we  had our first four month old with major uncertainties surrounding whether more would come in the future.  When Moriah was born- we wrestled through the 3-4 girl names we had on our list.  There were others that we liked the sound of better but - God very clearly showed me the significance of picking the name Moriah, which means- God Provides.   Every time we say her name- we are not only reminded of the journey of surrender that He carried us through and the provision that He made but we are vocalizing His goodness and a truth about His character.

All that is preface to sharing about our son's (I still love how that sounds) name- Samuel Tekoa Wiens.  Another story that was dear to our hearts as we awaited Moriah and then again as we awaited conceiving a second time- is the story of Hannah and Samuel.  Oh how she longed for a baby- a son.  She wept and prayed so hard that Eli thought she was drunk. Oh the emotions that are involved in pleading God to fulfill the desires of our hearts and trusting Him when we have no control over the outcome.  Samuel means "God heard" or "asked of God".  I love the verse that ends off the end of 1Samuel - chapter 1-- I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord. This was not a name that we planned to use as a first name-- but it has always been in the running for a middle name.

As for the name Tekoa (pitcher of tents)-- it started as Koa (based on our love for Hawaii) and then emerged as Tekoa-- as a result of my Dad's suggestion.  Chris was never really on board with this as a legit option- but I tried to suggest it every so often - in order to normalize it for him.  By the time our ultrasound had rolled around- I still liked it but was not sure it would ever really be in the running.

A few days prior to our ultrasound (at which point- we did not plan to find out the gender of our baby-- I am ALL about the surprise), we had both felt that maybe we should indeed consider Samuel as a first name.  After having our ultrasound and experiencing the turmoil of our reality in the week following (and finding out the gender)-- we felt even more strongly about Samuel as a first name possibility.  Despite Samuel's struggles we held onto the fact that we had prayed for this child, and the Lord had granted us what we asked of him. So now we give him to the Lord. For his whole life (no matter the length) he will be given over to the Lord.  We slowly began to pry our hands open - into a posture of surrender that mimicked that which we had learned to practice as we had awaited conceiving in the first place. We wept in seeming drunkenness  as we grieved our baby's condition and as we cried out on behalf of our son.  We had not made any final decisions by the following week but we did head over to Chris' Grandma's for waffle breakfast.  Grandma and Grandpa pray for us faithfully and their hearts were heavy for us.  They had spent much time in prayer for us and our baby.  Grandma boldly shared with us that she felt that the Lord had given her some scripture to speak to her about our situation.  She proceeded to sit down at the table.  Without knowing anything about our name discussions- she looked at us and said- "This is your Samuel".  Then she proceeded to read 2 Chronicles 20.  The just of the passage is about Jehoshaphat and the people of Judah who were facing the attack of a vast army.  They had no power to face this battle but they kept their eyes on God.  His message to them was "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.... You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you." (I will likely dive into this chapter more in a another post as it has become dear to me and there is more 'meat' in it- than I ever expected to find in 2 Chronicles!).  The point is- she had been given us these verses to share and she was obedient-- as she read on -- vs 20-- states- "Early in the morning they (people of Judah) left for the Desert of TEKOA".   Chris and I looked across the table at each other and could barely contain our hearts.  As we sat there- God- through Grandma-- confirmed the name HE had hand picked for our precious baby boy and tangibly reminded us that HE IS IN THIS and that HE LOVES US and Samuel Tekoa.  We made our decision that afternoon.  And we were even more affirmed after sharing with my brother-- who then shared with us that God had already told him that this was the name for our boy.

I do not know how this journey will unfold-- but I do know that it has no end. Samuel Tekoa Wiens will be our son and Moriah's brother for all of eternity.  No matter - how long we have- or do not have with him here on earth- we give him to the Lord. He IS an answer to prayer and we are blessed to have him in our lives.