"If you are a mother, you have a calling from God. God entrusts into your care a life, a future, a piece of what the world will become" (Jean Fleming- "A Mother's Heart", 17).
Yesterday- I felt defeat. I sunk in despair. I wept in the shower. I lost patience with Moriah. Yesterday felt like too much. I cried out to God and asked- "Why did you choose me for this journey?".
I tried to shift to a mindset and heart set of surrender. As I wrote in my journal- I waved my white flag. I admitted my inadequacy to walk this path alone. But my disappointment, my fear and my hurt took precedence over my joy, my trust and my knowledge of Christ's love for me.
In my turmoil yesterday- a dear friend indirectly redirected me back to the story of Abraham and Isaac. (Yes- I am going to reference it again). Abraham had been made a promise that he would be the father of a great nation. And then- he waited. After waiting--- a long time-- he received the promise of his son Isaac. Just when all seemed to make sense- God said, "Take your only son, the son you love, and go to the land of Moriah. Kill him there and offer him as a whole burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about". There is NO record of Abraham questioning the Lord. He walked in obedience. He took his stance (based on what God had asked of him- this relates back to one of my earlier posts regarding the words God offered me through Chronicles). He did not make alternate plans (like- I think I will take this ram with me- just in case-- God needs my help to change his mind). He spoke in faith (when Isaac said- 'we have everything- but where is our sacrifice?" Abraham responded with "God will provide"). Abraham put God before all else and acted in complete surrender. Abraham went with no map-- he just walked as God directed in the direction he was told to go.
Jehovah Jireh- The Lord Provides. This is what I heard yesterday-- though I was not able to receive it until this morning. He will provide a lamb in the thicket today-- whatever we need today-- He will provide.
This morning- my provision was hope. I am a part of a Facebook group for individuals who have children with Trisomy 13 or 18. In the last week- two different families have shared their stories of signs of healing. They do not know the final outcome- but they have seen healing.
I have shared before- that I believe God will heal Samuel- I just do not know what this healing will look like. Will it be physical and mental healing- for Samuel here on earth-- or will it be the ultimate healing of going home to live with our Father.
Today- I need to believe in a miracle-- this brings to mind some friends of mine from high school who have had a different journey with their precious daughter over the last year and a half-- they have blogged their story- 'Believing in miracles, Not maybes.' Their faith and their journey has touched me many times. They held onto the hope of Christ's healing in their daughter's life and they experienced answers to prayer- like never before. Their journey continues but they have seen God provide- "immeasurably more than they could have asked for our imagined".
I know many of you- pray for us and for Samuel on a regular basis-- would you stand with me today and pray for his complete healing.
Pray for his body from head to toe:
Pray for the cysts on his brain
Pray for his cerebellum (at the base of his brain) which is being sucked down into his spinal cord.
Pray for his heart (which has a hole in it but is still beating as strong as ever)
Pray for his open spina bifida-- would God straighten his spine and close his skin overtop of it- so that it will not be exposed when he is born.
Pray for his lower body- that his cysts, cerebellum or spina bifida- would not have the paralysis affect that is expected.
Pray for his joins- his clenched fingers, locked wrists, clubbed feet. Pray that these would be straightened and healed completely.
Pray for his feet- right now they are rocker bottom (shaped like a rocking horse)- pray that they are given arches (even flat arches- like his Dad -- would be good with me!)
Pray for any other anomalies that ultrasounds may have not picked up.
Overall- pray for the removal of the extra 18th chromosome.
I do not know how our story ends. I do not have a map. Today- my lamb in the thicket is hope of healing. Tomorrow it may be something different. What I do know is that Jehovah Jireh- will provide what we need today-- if we take our stance and walk in obedience to Him. This is not our battle - it is His to fight. Thank you again for walking with us.
As I sit here praying for your precious boy, a beautiful picture entered my mind...well, two pictures actually. The first was of your adorable boy, lying on the rug in your living room. He was rolling around, grabbing at his (flat like his dad's) feet, sucking on his toes, cooing and smiling at Moriah. He was rolling over, and then rolling back onto his belly. He was giggling. He was looking at you with big eyes and smiling as he recognized your face. It was a beautiful image...and I immediately prayed that this would be truth and something that we would be blessed to see in reality.
ReplyDeleteThe other image was you and I out for coffee. We were chatting about our kids and you were talking about how you had to look for special shoes for Samuel that have extra arch support-because God had reformed his feet to be flat. :) I pray for that to be true as well.
Seren, I am so so touched by not only your honesty and vulnerability, but your dependance on God and openness. It is a beautiful, fragile, but overall STRONG picture of faith and love, hope, assurance. Not dependant on what our desires and outcomes, but His. Thank you for being such an amazing, open, and honest window; shines so much more light than a door. You and Chris, and Mo, are so precious and incredible. So much love for you each. I pray for you three and Samuel daily and so thankful for all of you. xoxo
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