He was broken but he was beautiful.

Samuel Tekoa Wiens took us by surprise and entered the world on Thursday, February 6, 2014. I woke up Thursday morning with some heavy bleeding which caused us some concern.  We called our Doctor and we were in to see him by 9:40 am.  Once we were there the symptoms seemed less pronounced and- initially- our Doctor planned to send us home and to monitor us by seeing us the next morning. However- as we were about to leave- the bleeding increased and our Doctor sent us over to the hospital to be checked out.  While we were there - it was determined that I was in the early stages of labour.  I initially have - what my Doctor calls- silent labour (sorry to all those ladies- who do not have the privilege of experiencing this)-- which means I am in labour without really knowing it-- and when my labour actually begins- it is fast and furious (sorry gentlemen who do not want to hear these details).  We were told that after some blood tests we would likely be sent home but that our dear Samuel would be coming soon.  While we waited for the blood work- we passed the time by discussing what we thought Samuel would weigh, how long he would be and whether or not we would have him in the next twenty-four hours.  Moments after Chris said that he thought there was no way it would be that quickly-- our Doctor arrived and told us that they were preparing a room for us and that we would not be going home.  His prediction was that we would have Samuel by that evening (this was around 12:30pm). 

Before- I share more-- I have to tell you the most AMAZING miracle.  As we were in the examine room- the most precious and sweet head nurse- Rochelle- treated us with the utmost care. She received us like she would any other patient and her sympathetic and sweet spirit - immediately put us at ease.  While we were waiting for the blood work- she came in to tell us that, if we did need to stay, there was a nurse who was working who could not wait to have us as her patients. Soon we were settled into room 333 (the same room that Moriah was born in) with nurse Ruth.  It turns out that Ruth usually works weekends and she had decided to pick up an extra shift on Thursday.  Prior to us coming in- she had spoken to some of her colleagues that she wondered if her purpose in being there was to deliver our baby (as we have shared before- all the nurses knew we were coming at some point-- and due to the delicacy of our situation- there were mixed feelings regarding what this would be like).  Again- this was said before it was even on her radar that we were actually there.  When we met her- she told us that she had been praying for us since she had heard about us and that she felt privileged to walk through this with us. Praise the Lord for handpicking Ruth to journey with us.  

It was determined that I had a placental abruption- but it was hard to tell how severe it was.  As my labour increased a bit- there was some concern- due to the fact that I was beginning to lose a lot of blood.  So the hope was that my labour would increase quickly - as it did with Moriah (6.5 hours from start to finish) -- and that we could avoid having to do a C-section-- which would have been necessary if I began to bleed out.  This complication brought on some concern initially but we felt as though we were in good hands.  Dr. Hansen proceeded to break my water (1:40 ish) and then we waited. We called my parents to bring Moriah-- whom we had left at preschool that morning- with the intention of seeing her later in the afternoon.  We did not know how our journey with Samuel would unfold- and it was important that Moriah was a part of the journey and that she knew that we (especially Mommy) were okay.  As we awaited her arrival- my labour began to pick up-- not to anything excruciating but contractions were no longer silent.  She came in for hugs and I did my best to put my brave face on through the ever increasing contractions. We were able to tell her that the next time we saw her- she would get to meet her baby brother.  She left and my contractions picked up but so did the bleeding.  The staff had already hooked me up on one IV of fluid to help keep me hydrated due to blood loss but they felt the need to add a second IV so that they could prepare me for a blood transfusion.  At this point- labour became a bit scarier and Chris fired off a few texts just asking our family to pray. 

Another miracle side note- The maternity ward was not overly busy.  So not only did we have Nurse Ruth- whom God had hand picked for us-- but Rachelle, the head nurse acted almost as her side kick and she was amazing.  She also loves photography and offered to document as much as she could of Samuel's first moments.  In addition- though all the nurses know how to do IV's -- Nurse Franz is known in the ward for doing them the BEST.  Though she was not assigned to us- she made the time to come and insert both my IV's.  This process went as smoothly as I have ever experienced for an IV and Franz was such a beautiful - loving woman-- who made us feel like we were of the utmost importance.  We seriously felt like we were getting VIP treatment. 

Anyway- once the IV's were in place- Dr. Hansen came in and asked Franz to get some Oxytocin as he felt it was necessary to speed things up (again- due to blood loss).  Upon hearing this- we just asked that God would speed things up- so that the Oxytocin was not necessary.  While she was gone- over a 7 minute period- I suddenly had three contractions only minutes apart.  By the time she returned- there was no need for the Oxytocin. 

I quickly remembered that labour really is not fun and tried to focus on joyful thoughts every time a contraction came. Chris was my superstar sidekick- and he offered me his hand as well as loving words of encouragement as I laboured on.  I had moments of great fear- as I was aware of significant amounts of blood loss upon each contraction and - as I knew that we were finally going to know the plan that God had for our Samuel. I am so thankful that Chris was by my side and that we were both very aware of the Lord's presence. The nurses intermittently monitored Samuel's heart rate and I felt such relief- each time we heard his heart galloping like a little horse.  His heart rate rose - as it will for any baby at this point of labour- but not once was it in distress (another MIRACLE).

By 4:39pm-- just an hour and 40 minutes after we had seen our precious Moriah- Samuel entered our world.  I remember begging God that I would hear a cry- but there was no cry. He was instantly placed on my chest -- his eyes opened half way and he looked at me.  His body was so broken but he was so beautiful-- the moment was overwhelming.  As Chris cut the cord- Samuel circled his little mouth and tried so hard to make a sound- he made two teeny tiny little squeaks but it was too much. Dr. Hansen checked his heart and it was only 20-30 bpms.  Chris took him and held him.  He marveled at him and held his precious little hand and approximately 10 minutes after Samuel entered this world-- he left it- with no struggle, no gasping, no indication of pain. He passed from the arms of his amazing earthly father into the arms of his Heavenly father.  He was broken-- very broken-- but he was beautiful.

Oh what a moment. We had no fear. We loved on our little boy and we treasured him.  We were given the gift of having him in our arms until approximately 3:00pm the next day. We bathed him, we dressed him, we swaddled him, we hugged him, we sang over him, we read scripture to him, we prayed with over him. We introduced him to our family (some beautiful moments that I may shared details about at another time), we took photos of him, we explored his beautifully broken body and worked hard at committing each part of him to memory. 

And then- we released him. I think that was the hardest thing either of us have ever done. We placed our precious boy in a bassinet and we had to let our sweet nurse Jen (lots more nurse stories will follow in another blog as well) take him away.  We walked - what felt like a disastrous walk of shame- out of the hospital to our car.  Our arms are so empty and though our hearts are full they are so broken. 

I am exhausted.  There is so much more to share but this took everything out of me tonight.  Thank you for hearing Samuel's  story. We will continue to tell it.  There are so many miraculous moments we have yet to convey- I can hardly stand not saying them now.

PLEASE PRAY-
- We are tired.  Sleep is tough. Every part (physically, emotionally and spiritually) of me feels the ache of not mothering my baby in these days after his birth. We are walking in an exhausted fog- where we only wish that our exhaustion was due to the fact that we were up all not settling cries and giving feedings.
- Moriah's heart is broken. It shows in different ways and random times.  Tonight- she blurted out-- "But he (Samuel) was supposed to come and watch me swim" and then she burst into tears.  She is grieving.
- Praise God for the many ways that He answered prayer over the last few days!

I will end tonight with this- though Samuel's life was brief-- we would like to celebrate it. We will be having a celebration/a dedication of his life on Thursday - February 13. It will be open to anyone who has walked this journey with us- that is able to join us.  Details will follow over the next day or so.